We want our listeners to create our back story, where did the Nearly Men come from - where have they been, what adventures have been passed on generation after generation about them.


John Rainey kindly started us off with our origin story in episode 17. Some say that's only one version of the tale they have heard... have you heard it different?


Drop us a line with your legends, myths and facts about the Nearly Men existence on info@thenearlymen.com.

The Birth of The Nearly Men & The Beginning of the Console Wars


Written by John Rainey          first appeared in Episode 17, 6th May 2016


In a post Gamer gate world, when ethics in video games were being questioned by all sides, there were two men ....


Well not quite men .... Two males with a blissful ignorance of all that was going on - daring to dredge through the charts. (and then moan that Call of Duty sells well despite buying Assassins creed which is the same thing but for adventure games)


When the world didn't need another videophones podcast, Colin the Fanless of the tribe of Free Time loved the sound of his own voice so much he was exiled from his tribe to forever wander the wastes aimlessly complaining about graphics and Microsoft with no one to listen to him - fending off the the Xbone fanboys with his support for the god's of Sony and his love for the prophet Shuhei Yoshida, yelling sales numbers fending off the rabid hordes.


When he thought all hope was lost, he ran into a wandering traveller. A jovial journeyman by the name of Paul the Valorous, a convert from the church of Microsoft and warden of the Golden Microphone. They stroke up a great friendship as they travel together hoping to find a purpose to help rid the world of the scourge of Microsoft and cult leader Phil Spencer.


Upon their travels, they stumble across a once great man turned beggar by the name of Myamoto. A man of legend who's god Nintendo has long since faded into obscurity and he warns both travellers that failing to embrace technology and fanbase can be the downfall of the gods.


Paul and Colin realise what must be done. They head to confront Phil Spencer and challenge his leadership. As they approach the alter, a robed Spencer appears swinging two Xbox360 controllers: one blow could crush a man skull. Upon looking at the the two weary travellers standing at the foot of the dias he scoffs, "You are not men.... "


Paul draws his Golden Microphone from his backpack, "No we are not men, we are The Nearly Men" he cries into the microphone, the sound causing Spence to recoil almost in pain. Colin seeing this pulls a trivia book from his back and starts rattling off trivia from various Playstation games, each one causes a howl from the robed figure. Sensing the end is near, both men go for the killing blow and start to talk about Playstation sales figures. The inane chatter is too much for the cult leader as he evaporates in front of their very eyes leaving the fanboys scurrying away to their forums to argue on the internet.


Thus began the console wars.


Both men claim a great victory for the gods of Sony and it is prophesied that they shall release a podcast every second Friday to keep the fanboys at bay and then the world can live in peace. And, the Nearly Men Video games podcast was founded, for it is written.


© The Nearly Men 2017